I often get phone calls that start something like this: a person with a well-mannered voice says, "I need someone to talk to. I'm having relationship problems." When I ask for more detail, they name some general problems. "We have a hard time communicating." Or, "we don't spend a lot of time together." They may avoid adding any more, simply asking to talk more about it when we meet. If they're feeling especially brave or desperate, they may confide "I can't believe I'm in this situation but I want to save my marriage. I did something I never thought I'd do. I had an affair and my partner found out. They've told our friends and family and I'm so embarrassed. I don't know how we'll ever get over this."